From the Desk of Doc Paradise:
Dear Potential Client,
Thank you for showing interest in the services Paradise Labs has to offer. It appears that you are inquiring after our line of Entertainment Management Androids (EMAs). We have the following packages available:
* Basic Package - Android(s) are loaded with simple Play Well With Others (PWWO) software and will show up at the designated location for the designated time period (negotiable) and perform basic entertainment and interaction tasks. PWWO are capable of providing a degree of pre-negotiated customization based on the client's needs. No management, organizational, structural, or event failure prevention software is included in this package. These tasks are expected to be the responsibility of the client. This package is complimentary to Valued Clients.
* Host Package - In addition to PWWO software, these Android(s) are loaded with Advanced Hosting and Organization (AHO) software. These EMAs will perform tasks such as scheduling, meal planning, distributing and following up on invitations, hosting and entertainment management, basic preparation and cleanup tasks, and failure management.
Please be aware that our Emotional Labour Android Upgrades (ELUs) are highly sought after and are considered extras in both of the basic and host Entertainment Management packages. Availability is limited.
* Emotional Labour Upgrade - This software performs basic Emotional Labour and Active Listening (EL-AL) tasks. Mansplaining Endurance software and Tongue Biting software are presently not available.
For your convenience, we've included the appropriate fee lists with this letter of response. Holiday weekend rates apply. Prices on the ELU list are listed as multipliers on the selected EMA package. A deposit is required for new and probationary clients, but waved for Valued clients (don’t assume you are one). Failure to include sufficient location and timing information will void the contract and deposit return.
Doc Paradise, Super-Villain and CEO of Paradise Labs, skimmed the latest complaint of favouritism in Paradise Lab’s Industrial Intelligence Department and raised an eyebrow at Agent ‘Marks, Jason Marks’. He had personally brought this complaint to Paradise’s attention. Given that the denizens of Industrial Intelligence (where agents of competitors sent to steal secrets from Paradise Labs were safely contained) usually were distracted by either the elegant martini bar or the swarm of security robots, Paradise was intrigued enough to pay attention. Without lowering the eyebrow Paradise pulled off the report cover and started performing a rite of origami on it.
"What is the problem?" Paradise asked in a lightly pleasant tone.( Read more... )