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Why Women Are Tired: The Price of Unpaid Emotional Labor

"So, what does it look like, friends, to build a new house together, and to find new tools for the job?

Can the emotionally exhausted among us say “No,” either simply and gently to those we love, or, as Jen did, loudly and insistently when our emotional boundaries are crossed and we are asked to work for free again? Can we dedicate our labor to ourselves, humbly learning the basics of taking care of our own emotional needs?

Can those who have received the benefit of others’ emotional labor admit, “I am embarrassed to not be good at this. I need help with it. I was not taught these skills, and that is unfair to me and to those I love?”

Relationships are hard work, they require labor. Sometimes they are tiring. But hopefully, they can be a mutual exchange, so that both parties can alternate working and being worked for, fighting and being fought for. When we all pitch in to dismantling and rebuilding our relationship houses, perhaps we can finally, together, get some rest."
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